Title: I'll Be Missing You
Author/Artist: Rose Thorne
E-mail: rose62@yyhmail.com
Site: http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/grapesnlemons, http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=60908
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Category: Shadows of Dread, Lost Souls, Agonizing Anguish, Swan Song
Type: Fanwork
Rating: R
Pairing: 1/2, 3/4
Warnings: Shonen ai fic. Here there be death.
Disclaimer: The song "I'll Be Missing You" belongs to Puff Daddy, Faith Evans, 112,and anyone else who helped to produce it. Gundam Wing belongs to all those whohelped produce the series.
Summary: Heero must deal with Duo's death.
Notes: Fluff is evil.


Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough

[Heero looks at the open grave, watching as the casket is lowered. A look of emense sorrow crosses his face and is gone, lingering for merely a second. Duo... The baka had self destructed. And everyone had thought Heero would be the one to do that. Heero flops down on the bed and closes his eyes, not bothering to remove the black suit that Duo would've loved to see on him. Duo...He had been so alive just the day before, laughing maniacally as he operated the Deathscythe, bringing death to all those who got in his way. Heero's partner, as it were. Partner in more ways than one... No. Don't think about it... A rare tear slips past Heero's defenses as he remembers violet eyes and a warm smile. Happiness...Now dead...]

Notorious they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seems to be
Words can't express what you mean to me

[The look on their targets' faces when they see the Gundams. The terror they caused in OZ. It was almost a game with Duo. Duo...who regarded everything as a game, whether it was or not. Now it was just work. The Perfect Soldier was back to mindless killing. No partner to roll his eyes at or smile for. No friendly teasing. All work. Heero lies in his bed, knowing it's pointless. Another sleepless night to chalk up. A sigh escapes his mouth as he realizes that he never told Duo how he felt. Three little words, and he hadn't said them... I'm such a fool...]

Even though you're gone, we still a team
Through your family, I fill your dreams
In the future, can't wait to see
If you open up the gates for me

[Heero rises after yet another sleepless night, then sits at the dest with his laptop, transferring funds for another mission. Duo would have wanted him to continue the fight. To beat OZ. For Duo... That is why he can continue to fight. For Duo, who would have done the same, who would have given up everything to win the war...and already had. Heero sighs as he repairs his Gundam. No Deathscythe to steal parts from. No Duo to yell at him for it. Pursing his lips, Heero wonders when he will see Duo again...When his turn to die will come...]

Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal

[Heero wakes from a nightmare, Duo's death replaying again in his mind. How he had been there, trying to get to him, but unable to stop it from happening. Duo had been hopelessly surrounded. OZ had predicted their move, and had prepared an ambush. They had walked right into a trap. Heero had not been bogged down too heavily, but Duo had taken the brunt of the ambush, quickly being surrounded and captured. Duo's last image over the comm link flashes through Heero's mind. The baka had grinned sadly, blood bubbling from the corner of his mouth. "Sorry, Heero. I guess we can't go on that date tonight, ne? Keep the others safe. And kick OZ's ass for me, would ya?" His last words. He had pressed the self destruct and it had worked for him. Duo and the Deathscythe had been blown to smithereens, along with most of the base. Heero had been too far away to be destroyed. And he had left in a daze, totally confused. Shinagami had met Shinagami. The others had been the ones to go back to get Duo's body. Heero shudders as the image of the exploding Deathscythe becomes ingrained in his memory. Then he breaks down, finally allowing himself to cry. Duo...I miss you so much, Duo...]

Can't imagine all the pain I feel
I'd give anything to hear half your breath
I know you're living you life -- after death

[Heero awakens with a jolt and sits up in the bed that he and Duo once shared. He runs a hand through his hair, vaguely wondering how long he slept. Then he sees Quatre in the doorway. Quatre informs him that he slept for a week. Having had insomnia for an entire year had worn him down. Heero shrugs and refuses to talk to the Arabian, who wishes to know why he hasn't been taking care of himself. Quatre eventually gives up and leaves. Heero sighs and lays back, wishing the ache in his heart would go away. He would give his Gundam to OZ if he just had the chance to see Duo's smiling violet eyes once more. To have the chance to say those three little words that he had neglected to utter. Had been afraid to say. But it's not possible. Duo is gone...in the afterlife, if one existed...Unreachable unless through death...Heero shakes his head. Duo wanted him to stay alive...to help the others win the war.]

Every step I take, Every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray -- I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break -- I'll be missing you

[Everything reminds him of the braided pilot. Every second of every day makes Heero's heart ache more. Nothing helps, not even praying to the God that Duo believed in. Heero sighs. He was never taught to believe in religion. He had been taught to trust in logic. Of course, love wasn't logical, and that's what he had shared with Duo. He angrily bangs his head against the wall as the image pops up again, then immediately regrets it. The others will see the bruise, and they're already worried about him.Not that they have any business in it. Quatre has Trowa, Trowa has Quatre, and Wufei has his Nataku. Heero'd had Duo...But not anymore. Heero curses silently. What had he done to deserve this? Why had Duo been taken from him? He throws himself down on the bed and pretends to be asleep as Quatre peeks in. The door closes as the Arabian leaves and a tear slides down the Japanese pilot's cheek. Duo...I miss you...]

It's kinda hard with you not around
Know you in heaven smiling down
Watching us while we pray for you

[Another school. More cover stories. New roommate, one who's totally oblivious to anything but girls. No Duo. Nobody to nag him to sleep, or eat, or, 'for God's sake, Heero, wear something other than those damned spandex'. Nobody around to lighten up the day, to amuse him by playing practical jokes on anybody and everybody. No one to call Wufei 'Wu-man' or mispronounce the Chinese pilot's name just to piss him off. No one to make Quatre blush, Trowa glare, and Wufei squirm with perverted jokes. No one to get drunk with. No one to hold...No one to hold him. Heero looks out the window by his desk, watching the stars. Maybe Duo is up there somewhere...Watching. Maybe.]

Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend

[Heero opens his dresser drawer, keeping one eye on his sleeping roommate, then pulls out his gun. Wrapped around the weapon, he finds a familiar chain. Gold...with a cross. Heero lets it drop to the floor and shoves the gun in a hidden pocket in his spandex that only Duo had known about...And only because... Don't think about it..! Heero bends down and carefully picks up the rosary that his partner had always worn, remembering Duo's words. "Heero, if I ever die...wear this for me...And promise me that you'll get over me." Quatre had given the rosary to him after they had brought Duo's body back. Another thing he'd forgotten, another promise unkept. But at least it's not too late to fulfill this one, though he knew that there was no way to get over Duo. Carefully, he slips the rosary around his neck, then runs out the door. Trowa raises an eyebrow at the rosary. Quatre smiles. Wufei ignores it. They get their Gundams and take off, headed for the next target. Heero, away from their eyes, makes a fist around the rosary, holding that fist to his heart and allowing a tear to slip past his mask of indifference. Duo...]

Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
The strength I need to believe
My thoughts B.I.G. I just can't define
Wish I could turn back the hands of time

[Heero smiles through the entire mission, destroying the enemy with the gusto that he had once had before, when Duo had been with him. Memories of Duo laughing maniacally, memories of what he would say, all of them keep the Japanese pilot's grief at bay. Then the mission ends and Heero finds himself packing to leave the school, without Duo. He sits on the bed, strength gone. Why does he have to be dead..? Heero fingers the rosary with a sigh, wishing that he could have somehow stopped Duo from self-destructing. Wishing he could have rescued him...Heero finally shakes his head and continues to pack. Life goes on...Death goes on...It's time to move on...]

Us in the 6th, shopping for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks, making hits
Stages they received you on

[Heero drives the huge rig that houses his Gundam easily, remembering a time when it used to house two Gundams. A time when it had both a driver and a passenger. Heero smiles as he remembers the many times Duo dragged him to shop for clothes. Especially the first time, when he had totally exasperated Duo with his insistance of trying on only tank tops and spandex. Just to piss the American off. And to get back at him for the practical joke Duo had played on him. Baka had to bleach every single pair of black spandex and every green tank top he owned to force him to go shopping. With Duo around there had never been a dull moment. Of course, that hadn't been Duo's only punishment for that. Heero smirks as he remembers the many times he broke or nearly broke the American's nose. He'd always helped Duo set the darned thing, and the American had healed very quickly. Vain baka. All the missions that they'd been called on, all the schools they'd been to, all the times they'd run from and hid from Relena so she'd go away. Duo's hysterical laughter every time he threatened to kill the Queen of the Universe. Especially every time she sent him flowers or letters. Hiding from the stupid spoiled brat was no fun without Duo. Nor was threatening to kill her. Heero sighed, wishing he could shake her off his trail for good. He shakes his head and smiles slightly, remembering how easily Duo made friends. Better to remember him than to think of her... At the funeral, she had dared to show up. Then she had come to him and told him that she was sorry. Heero had glared at her and told her the truth about herself that she just didn't want to acknowledge. "Don't lie. You're glad he's dead. No more competition." Then he had stalked off. At least she hadn't bugged him since then...]

I still can't believe you're gone
I'd give anything to hear half your breath
I know your living you life -- after death

[Heero curses as he sees the lights that indicate an OZ checkpoint up ahead, then sighs in relief as he realizes that he had forgotten to turn on his lights anyway. They don't know he's there. He veers off into the desert, goes around the checkpoint, then continues on his way. Duo would have known about the checkpoint miles before it actually came up. He sighs, wishing Duo were with him right now. To hear him chatter incessantly, to hear him laugh, to hear him breathe would be worth anything. Heero fingers the rosary again, wondering if Duo's religious beliefs had turned out to be true. Was there a soul? an afterlife? a God? Logic failed when it came to religion, so Heero had always avoided thinking about it. But now, more and more since Duo's death, he finds himself wondering. And hoping...]

Every step I take, Every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray -- I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break -- I'll be missing you

[The new school is the same as every other one he's been to. His room mate is basically a delinquent, never in the room. Heero has more time to himself than he has ever had before. More time to sort out his feelings. More time to remember. More time to think. The religion thing still baffles him, but his love for Duo hasn't faded. If anything, it's grown stronger. Every time he remembers Duo, he finds a new thing he adored about the American pilot. Things he wishes he'd noticed when Duo was alive. He remembers the day Duo died, and admires the way his partner refused to show pain or fear in the end. Duo had been prepared to die. Duo, so full of life and beautiful, so...human, had been prepared to die, when the Perfect Soldier had not been. Heero sighs as he remembers all the times he had criticized Duo for being too loud, too soft, too human. But in the end, Duo had been braver than all of them, prepared to sacrifice himself for the good of the Colonies. Such a young beautiful life cut short, all because of OZ. A mistake OZ will pay for. Heero's eyes blur as he tries to transfer more funds, and he resolutely wipes his tears away. Duo...I miss you...]

Somebody tell me why, on that morning
when this life is over
I know -- I'll see your face

[Heero wakes up on the morning of a mission smiling, feeling happier than he has in a long time. Since Duo died. Somehow, he feels at peace. Almost as if he's just...waiting for something. Something good. Duo's face floats in his mind, which is strange. For over a year, Heero has not been able to picture Duo's face. Now he can see it clearly, as if Duo were there with him. Quatre exchanges a look with Trowa as they prepare for the mission. Even Wufei shoots Heero a look. But the mission must go on, so they leave. They attack the base hard, then realize it's a trap too late. The same kind of trap that had killed Duo. Only, this time, Heero's in the hot seat. He smiles, then opens a comm link to the others. "Win the war. Do it for Duo and for me." He hears Quatre's yell as he presses the button that sends him into oblivion. I'm coming, Duo...]

Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
Every move I make, every single day
Every move I make...